absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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