ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
