he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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