Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.