I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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