today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.