grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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