Midget sex pt 2 tonight
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!