Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Randomize
