his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
