tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
