she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
