I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
