I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
