i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
