We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
