this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
