Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
