I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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