dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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