Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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