I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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