I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
