i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
