you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
