I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
