My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
