I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
