Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize