we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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