Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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