I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
