Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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