Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
