Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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