I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
