I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
