I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
