my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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