I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't think brook has ever known best
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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