I am puke
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Randomize
