man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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