my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
