She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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