My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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