Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
