I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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