Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
