well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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