i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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