So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
