And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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