community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
