if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
