dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
