come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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