youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this hospital has no fireball
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
