Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
