I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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