Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize