why didn't you poke me back
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
