Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
