you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
