what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
