Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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