is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
