Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
