Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
