Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
