I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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