I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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