Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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