Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
