i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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