so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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