Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
