I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize