thus making me awesome and them whores
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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