We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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