i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
