In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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