If i come over, it means nothing
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
