We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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