matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
