when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
