Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
