why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?