your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way