Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there's paper in my vomit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How many fucks given?