Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
