They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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